Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize