gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
