so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there was a trapeze. enough said
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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