Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
