i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
