I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
