Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
