The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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