i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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