hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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