Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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