i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
