Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
