someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
