i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
