Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize