So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
