i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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