You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
