I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
