Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
