i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
