Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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