I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
