Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
