I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Acid is not a monday night drug
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How external is "for external use only"?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
