Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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