Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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