No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
