Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
