Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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