I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
