She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
