so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
