I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
