hotel room ftw
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize