if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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