the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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