It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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