why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
