Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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