Fuck appropriateness.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
