I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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