I murdered the dance floor call the cops
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
