Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
