One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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