If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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