Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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