come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize