There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i think my cat just said my name.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
