I am in a vortex of obligation.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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