Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
COCAINE IS GR8
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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