I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
