Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
