he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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