I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
