His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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