Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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