Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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