I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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