cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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