How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
