not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
