respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
