apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
