There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
