whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
