you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
