Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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