so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
