I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
