Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
