just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
