Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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