Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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