look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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