apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
