I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
