i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
