I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
