We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
