I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
