I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
