My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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