Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
