peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
