I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize