just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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