He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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