eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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