You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
