arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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