I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
