you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
God, I missed his penis.
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