Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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