come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
