hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
