Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
