I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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