Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
