Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Houston, we have a squirter
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
